top of page

Success Anxiety: Understanding Why We Fear What We Want Most


Have you ever set a goal, only to find yourself inexplicably veering off course, making choices that pull you away from what you really want? Maybe it's skipping that workout you planned or procrastinating on a big project. These behaviors, while frustrating, are common manifestations of self-sabotage.


What Is Self-Sabotage?


Self-sabotage refers to patterns of behavior where you actively or passively hinder your own success. It might seem illogical—why would anyone deliberately sabotage themselves? But the truth is, self-sabotage often operates subconsciously, driven by fear, insecurity, or deeply ingrained negative beliefs.


For instance, if you’ve grown up feeling unworthy of success, your mind might “protect” you from potential failure by ensuring you don’t even try. These self-sabotaging actions help us avoid short-term discomfort (like fear or vulnerability), but in the long run, they prevent growth and fulfillment.


Why Do We Self-Sabotage?


Several psychological mechanisms explain self-sabotage. Here are some of the most common:


  1. Fear of Failure (or Success): This might sound contradictory, but success can be just as scary as failure. With success comes new expectations, responsibilities, or potential judgments. For some, failure feels safer because it's a familiar territory.


  2. Perfectionism: If we believe something must be done perfectly or not at all, we might delay starting or give up easily. This creates a cycle where we avoid tasks to protect ourselves from perceived inadequacy.


  3. Low Self-Esteem: When we hold negative beliefs about ourselves, such as “I’m not smart enough” or “I’ll never be good at this,” we unconsciously sabotage opportunities to avoid the risk of proving those beliefs wrong.


  4. Comfort Zones: Our brains are wired to seek out comfort and avoid risk. Even if something is objectively better for us, like a new career or relationship, the unfamiliar can trigger fear. Self-sabotage keeps us in our familiar, though unsatisfactory, comfort zone.


  5. Avoidance of Vulnerability: Growth requires vulnerability—whether it’s putting yourself out there in a relationship, a job, or a creative project. Self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination or self-criticism can be defense mechanisms to avoid that feeling of exposure.


How to Identify Self-Sabotaging Behaviors


Recognizing when you’re self-sabotaging is the first step to overcoming it. Here are some signs:


  • Procrastination: Delaying important tasks or putting off decisions is a hallmark of self-sabotage.

  • Negative Self-Talk: If your inner dialogue is filled with “I can’t,” “I’ll fail,” or “I’m not good enough,” these thoughts may drive self-sabotaging actions.

  • Lack of Follow-Through: Setting goals but failing to meet them despite having the resources or ability to do so.

  • Chronic Overthinking: Analysis paralysis or excessive worrying can stop you from taking action, leading to missed opportunities.



How to Stop Self-Sabotaging


Thankfully, self-sabotage isn’t an unbreakable cycle. Here are some evidence-based strategies that can help you overcome these patterns:


  1. Recognize Your Triggers: Self-sabotage is often a reaction to certain emotions like fear or shame. Keep a journal of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to better understand what sets off self-sabotaging tendencies.


  2. Challenge Negative Beliefs: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) suggests that we can alter our behaviors by changing our thoughts. When negative beliefs arise, question their validity. Ask yourself, "Is this absolutely true?" or "What evidence do I have to support or refute this thought?"


  3. Set Small, Achievable Goals: If fear of failure or perfectionism is behind your self-sabotage, break tasks into smaller steps. This creates a sense of accomplishment and builds momentum.


  4. Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of criticizing yourself when things go wrong, offer yourself kindness. Studies show that people who practice self-compassion are more resilient and less likely to fall into self-sabotage.


  5. Use Mindfulness Techniques: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of self-sabotaging thoughts before they take hold. Being present allows you to make intentional, rather than reactive, choices.


  6. Build a Support System: Sometimes, we need outside perspectives to see when we’re sabotaging ourselves. Whether it’s a therapist, mentor, or close friend, having someone to talk to can help you stay accountable.


  7. Visualize Success: Research shows that visualization can help rewire our brains. Spend time imagining how success feels and the steps you'll take to get there. This can reduce anxiety and make the process feel more attainable.



Self-sabotage is a complex and deeply personal challenge, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By becoming aware of the patterns, challenging your negative beliefs, and cultivating self-compassion, you can break free from the cycle.


Remember, growth happens in small steps, and each time you recognize and overcome self-sabotage, you’re building the foundation for long-term success.

Comments


Featured Posts
Recent Posts
Archive
Search By Tags
Follow Us
  • Facebook Basic Square
  • Twitter Basic Square
  • Google+ Basic Square
bottom of page