Take a Stand and Be Damned for It: Healing from Self-Sacrifice and Self-Sabotage

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a relationship where you’re constantly trying to fix someone who doesn’t want to change?

Maybe you give everything: your time, your energy, your peace, hoping it will make a difference. However, instead, you end up feeling drained, unseen, and lost. If this sounds familiar, you might be struggling with what therapists call self-subjugation and self-sacrifice.

These patterns often come from early experiences where love and approval felt conditional or unpredictable. As children, many of us learned to put others’ needs before our own to stay safe or feel loved. We became experts at minimizing our feelings, managing others’ emotions, and trying to “fix” the impossible in order to survive. Unfortunately, these survival strategies can lead to self-sabotage in adulthood.

How? When you keep sacrificing yourself for someone who doesn’t change or appreciate you, you are inadvertently blocking your own happiness and healing. You hold on to the hope that if you just try hard enough, things will get better, but deep down, you know that is unlikely. Yet, the fear of being alone, rejected, or “damned” for choosing yourself keeps you stuck.

This is where the phrase “take a stand and be damned for it” becomes so meaningful. It’s a call to courage, to finally put your own needs and well-being first, even if it means risking others’ disapproval. It is about breaking free from the trauma-based cycle of self-sacrifice and self-betrayal and saying:

“I matter! I deserve respect and love, even if that means some people won’t like my choices.”

In therapy, this can be a powerful turning point, a moment where you begin to heal the wounds of early trauma by reclaiming your voice and your boundaries. It’s not about being selfish -- it’s about being real with yourself and refusing to let fear keep you trapped.

Choosing yourself might feel scary at first. You might worry about loneliness or judgment. However, living a life that honors your needs is the path to true freedom, peace, and connection -- not just with others, but most importantly, with yourself.

If you find yourself caught in this pattern, know that healing is possible. Taking a stand might be the bravest and most loving thing you can do -- for you.